I would just end up right back using…

In the summer of 2017, I got my third domestic violence/criminal threatening charge and I was on probation at that time for a domestic violence aggravated assault. It was a felony because I had a previous conviction in a short period of time and was still on probation. It was the same victim, my girlfriend of many years, and they took me to Penobscot County Jail. I was there for a couple of weeks on a probation hold with no bail. I met with an attorney and spoke with the judge, and they wanted to sentence me to five years in prison.

I started doing the AA program in jail, working with a sponsor, doing things a little differently, was able to get a little mercy, and was sentenced to 30 months all suspended but nine. I was transferred down to Two Bridges in Wiscasset to finish my sentence. I was 37 when this happened and turned 38 in jail that year. I had four little kids at home, but I had nothing. I had no career, I had no future, I didn’t have a high school diploma, I had nothing going on. While I was in jail, I worked really hard, did the HiSET and got my high school diploma. I knew I still had two years’ probation hanging and additional time left if I messed up, and I knew I would. I knew if I left jail and didn’t do something different then I would just end up right back using because that had been my experience many times. I turned 21 in Penobscot County Jail and had been in there a dozen times or more up until this time. I worked hard to try to do things better.  When I had about a month left before I was to be released I got scared and I said I had to do something. I talked with Judy Peavey at Two Bridges, who asked me about Wellspring because initially I was trying to get into Wellspring as part of my sentence or as deferred or conditional, but that didn’t happen. I did the application and screening with Wellspring and was accepted. I was like great, you accepted me, come get me and they said, “No, we will take you after you finish your sentence and keep us informed when you are going to get out.” I called every week and spoke to Barb and about two weeks before I got out she said they had a bed. I got out and had about four days before I could go Wellspring. I still had conditions on me that I was not allowed to have contact with my kids, I was allowed to talk with my wife, and was allowed to be on the property, but because I could not have contact with my kids I slept in my mother-in-law’s car in the garage. That way I wouldn’t have contact with my kids and I had somewhere safe to be because I had nowhere else to go.

Four days later I came to Wellspring and it was incredible. It was scary, but I think I had really committed in my mind I was going to do whatever it took to stay sober. At that point, I had seen that AA was working for people and had worked for people I knew and had the beginning of a support network. I had a little bit of hope that I could stay sober and do things different. I started the program at Wellspring the weekend after the Superbowl in 2018. It was rough at the beginning. Everything I was doing there was alien to me and uncomfortable because it was operating outside of my normal procedures as an addict in active addiction and an alcoholic. I didn’t know how to deal with emotions. I didn’t know how to deal with stress. I had no coping skills whatsoever (with the exception of drinking and using drugs) so it was very difficult. I found that the

staff there were supportive and knowledgeable, but they were experienced in active addiction. Most of the staff when I was there were in recovery and I think that made a huge difference. It made a difference in their approach, to their problem solving, and it made a difference in their tactics in the way they got things done and the way they got through to me. Jeff was my counselor and was incredible. Every time I would go in and ask Jeff a question, he always allowed me to answer it myself. He would encourage some thought and encourage me to kinda talk it out with him and figure it out on my own. I started to realize I knew what the right thing to do is, I knew what some of these answers are, I just don’t know how to get there from here. I knew how to take a short cut, to go right to whatever works; threatening, intimidation, manipulation or quitting or just going out and getting high.

I was fortunate enough to stay sober through the process and didn’t have any relapses while I was at Wellspring. A couple times in my early stay there for the first month or so I was ready to leave. It is difficult to live with 15 guys in early recovery. Then you have people coming in and out…it was a struggle. But anytime things got difficult outside of me I focused on myself and would say okay, why is this difficult for me. I really took the advice and listened to what the staff and my counselor were telling me. I was able to get through the difficult stuff and ended up graduating in July of 2018. It was the first thing I had ever worked on continuously for six months to achieve. I felt an incredible sense of accomplishment. It really felt good to work toward something and achieve it because at that point I had really achieved nothing. I mean, I had all these things in my mind that were wonderful accomplishments, but they weren’t meaningful or anything that was going to help me for the rest of my life. I was 38 years old and had nothing going for me. I didn’t have a driver’s license and never had a driver’s license. So graduating Wellspring was a big deal to me. I made some pretty good connections with the recovery community and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous which was big. One thing I really pushed back against in the beginning at Wellspring was all these meetings…go to meetings, go to meetings…go to meetings. The meetings were where I built my foundation for my recovery where I built my support network. There wasn’t any one person that was going to be able to help me through what I was going to struggle with in early recovery, but there was somebody in the fellowship and somebody in the recovery community that had gone through the same thing I went through at some point and that was the importance of developing this big support network and not just my sponsor or just people in a meeting because I was able to ask questions to those made it past the same struggles I was having at that particular time sober. I think one of my best experiences ever that really helped me with having some self-worth and validation was when I was told by Wellspring to volunteer at the Salvation Army. I went down that day with the attitude that this was an assignment, let’s just go and get this done and move on. It was an incredible experience. We went in there and fed 75 people that day and I realized these people wouldn’t have eaten today if it wasn’t for us. This probably was the only thing they were going to eat that day and they were able to come in, get some food, and be treated with some compassion by people that understood them and who were essentially their peers. People I used to use with came in and ate and were like what are you doing here? I told them I was in Wellspring.

After I left Wellspring, I went to the Oxford House for five months and helped some of the guys in recovery. On 11/01/18, I moved into 87 Ohio Street, and managed the first Fresh Start house. I didn’t want people leaving Wellspring to be as scared as I was that

there isn’t any place to go that is safe, supportive, and affordable. So that was my personal motivation for putting my all into Fresh Start. Still to this day I guard our reputation tenaciously. If there are issues, I address them right away. I learned accountability at Wellspring, and I learned even it’s hard it’s still much easier to do it now then to leave things go and leave them to fester and get bad. I learned the importance of being able to hold other people accountable and allowing people to hold me accountable. Being able to hold people accountable, being able to call people out when they weren’t doing the right thing, and not being pressured into going along with it, or allowing it, or looking the other way was a big deal for me. This was so against my values and principles at the time which were criminal and of a jailhouse mentality. It was you don’t tell on anybody, if you don’t like it then you ignore it, it’s not your business and it doesn’t affect you, and if you get caught you take your licks and keep moving and don’t involve anybody else. In recovery as a drug addict and alcoholic I bear watching. Most of my immediate thoughts, ideas, or reactions to things would be an alcoholic response so to have somebody around I can bounce that off or people keeping an eye on me or just to communicate with regularly helps keep me grounded.

I am getting ready to celebrate seven years abstinent, no drugs and no alcohol. The only medication I take is Tylenol and my life is changed. I just got my permit to drive at 45 years old. Since I left Wellspring, I am working on resolving a DUI I had in Florida nine years ago. I bought a home. I have helped Fresh Start grow into a company that has purchased 15 buildings with 120 beds for people in recovery. The first two years after I left Wellspring, I went to Wellspring’s detox twice a week and facilitated AA meetings. That was really important for my recovery to be of service and to give back. I am proud of my recovery. I have a special place in my heart for Wellspring. I love to take people into Fresh Start from Wellspring because I know what it takes to make it through that program and understand that they have made a commitment to their recovery and they have gained some tools and skills. The people we bring here from Wellspring are great assets to our organization.