My name is Zach Levesque, and I graduated the Wellspring Men’s House on May 14th, 2013. I was only 23 years old at the time, but I was lucky to be alive and not in federal prison. I began abusing alcohol and marijuana in my early teens to feel belonging and acceptance by my peers. This progressed to severe opioid dependency by the time I graduated high school. I moved out of my parent’s home when I was 18 and began engaging in risky behavior with dangerous people. My only purpose at the time was finding and using drugs. I did not care about belonging or acceptance anymore, only getting high. I did not understand what addiction was or that I had a disease.

After a year of living this way, I decided to run away from my problems and join the Army before I was inevitably caught and arrested for the behavior I was engaging in. I remember feeling horrible during basic training, not understanding at the time that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms from opioid dependency. I was able to successfully complete basic training and AIT. I was then stationed in VA beach where I began drinking and blacking out almost every night. I also met soldiers and civilians that had access to opioids in quantities I never could have imagined while living in Maine. Within a year of being in VA beach I was way worse off than I was before joining the Army. I remember being referred to and forced to engage in both outpatient and inpatient substance abuse treatment while enlisted but being in complete denial about the fact that I was an addict. I was eventually kicked out of the Army and returned to Maine with a habit that I could not support anymore.

I decided to start engaging in a methadone program to avoid withdrawals. Shortly after I began abusing benzodiazepines and was abusing them daily. I did this for about a year until I got arrested on multiple charges. I made bail and moved in with my parents where I decided to go cold turkey on everything. I was sick for several months but was able to get clean on self-will. I decided to go back to work in a restaurant and was doing well for a few months until I met people at work that were using. Within a few months I was dependent on methadone and benzos again.

At this point in my life, I had ruined every relationship and opportunity that was ever presented to me. I had lost all sense of purpose, self-awareness and self-preservation. Looking back, I did not possess any human traits besides that of my physical self which was deteriorating as well. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was dying.

Being jobless and homeless with no way to support my habit, I began contemplating and planning my suicide. I attempted to overdose on benzodiazepines but woke up 48 hours later and checked myself into Acadia. After being there a month and receiving several MH diagnoses, they sent me to Dorthea Dix. I met a wonderful psychiatrist there that had connections to Wellspring and motivated me to seek treatment with the Men’s House. I was reluctant to go but was willing to try.

I really struggled the first couple of months acclimating to the program and my peers but over time things got easier. I attribute this to the staff members being unconditionally supportive and empathetic despite me being an absolute nightmare to deal with. They understood that I wasn’t a bad person, I was just sick and needed help. Residential treatment is like a mini society or community where you learn what it means to be human again. I began to feel like I was part of something bigger and that maybe my life had purpose. Not only did I matter to my peers and staff but to the larger recovery community in Bangor.

Wellspring taught me structure, routine, discipline, integrity, social responsibility, accountability, tolerance and acceptance. They taught me that I had a disease to which there was no cure only maintenance. Then they showed me how to maintenance my recovery, the way a mechanic maintenances a car to keep it from failing.

My journey with Wellspring did not end when I graduated. They made a big deal out of my graduation. They told me the house belongs to the graduates and that I was welcome to visit them and my peers whenever I wanted. They genuinely expressed that they wanted and needed me to stay connected. They provided me with an aftercare group and transitional housing where I thrived and continued to stay connected to the men’s house and the Bangor recovery community.

Shortly after my graduation I decided to go back to school with the dream of working at the Wellspring Men’s house someday. I always looked up to the counselors and support staff when I was a client and wanted what they had. After four years of working and going to school full time I was offered a position as a counselor in 2018. I have been working for Wellspring for over seven years and am currently the program manager of the Men’s House.

Wellspring has always been the biggest part of my recovery and has provided a constant sense of support, purpose and belonging throughout my journey. They told me on my last day of treatment that the sky is the limit for anyone that graduates the program. I did not believe it at the time, but I do now. My dreams have come to fruition as a result the opportunities this program provided, and I have worked with countless others that can say the same thing.