I wanted to be someone my kids could be proud of…

Basically, I have always had a drug problem, but I never would admit that I was an addict and really had a problem until this last time when I hit rock bottom.  Everything went wrong.  I was arrested by the Feds on gun charges. I was in jail.  Before I was picked up by the Feds I had a bunch of state charges, but I heard about Wellspring and had tried to get in, but I kept being told that no I was going to jail. I was finally transferred to Stratford County, NH, to a federal DOC holding facility.  While I was in there, I did a drug program called TC, Therapeutic Community, a three-month program where there is just you and 20 guys in a room and you have learn how to deal with each other and it’s classes all day to help you realize what your drug issues were and I started to realize was a drug addict.  I still kept trying for Wellspring, even though they were saying no, saying no…When I was coming to the end of my three months there my state lawyer called and told me he got me bail and as long as the Feds sign off, I would get bail to go to Wellspring.  I went to the hearing in front of the federal judge and she said “Are we really gonna do this, are we going to let him out?” She said she was taking all the risk and if I messed up she’d add time to my sentence.  I told her I was done, I knew I was done, done doing drugs, done doing anything wrong. I wanted to be a father for my children and get back to the life I led. I wanted to be someone my kids could be proud of and to make up to my mom for all the shit I had done before she passed away. I got bail would have to leave that day, but I had five days left at the Therapeutic Community so I asked if I could be graduated with the work I had already done and was told no and that I had to finish the whole three months, which meant the last five days. I asked my lawyer to ask about another bed at Wellspring, but there would not be one until November 16.  I had a gut check moment and said I would take the bed on the 16^th because I have to graduate this, because I had come to a point in my life where I wanted to complete things and completing things meant I stuck it out and did the hard work. While I was in there, I did 259 extra courses besides the program courses and got 56 extra certificates because I wanted to change my life.  When I got bailed out I had four hours to get to Wellspring. My son’s mother was proud of me and picked me up and drove me to Wellspring.  We talked about everything, and I told how sorry I was about how I acted and how I disappointed her.  She told me she loved me and really wanted to see me do good. 

While I was at Wellspring, I met these counselors who really seemed to care about me.  Rob Polovina was my counselor and we got along good.  He showed me how to change my defects of character and change my criminally addictive way of thinking.  When I first got to Wellspring Miss Angel and I did not always get along and butted heads. I inserted my will of what I thought was right in a situation and I got a 24.  My counselor said you are not getting a 24 because you were wrong, you got the 24 because of how you acted.  I learned how to get acclimated to the Wellspring program and it was part of growing up and learning that if we wanted to succeed and become people that can recover than you have to take full advantage Wellspring’s program. They have a beautiful program where they treat you like an adult and you have do certain things, but they feed you great food, you don’t have to worry about being cold or hungry or out on

the streets.  You are just expected to be a productive member of society and do the program they ask you to do.  They care about you. When you graduate there, you know, Miss Angel thinks of us as her kids and she cries when everybody graduates.  I learned to admire Miss Angel, because she is by the book and does things how they should be done, and we became close. Jason the counselor was huge factor in me changing my life. I became real close friends with Jason. He helped me realize when I was just going through the motions and not doing the work and helped me stay passionate about recovery. It rubbed off and I started making my audio match the video and that means I started living what I was saying and being a man of my word, being a trustworthy person, and today that’s what it’s about. Being accountable, reliable, and always there for my kids and my family and just living a life of spiritual principles and living for my God who saved my life. That’s what I got out of Wellspring, a new way to live my life and I got my sanity back and my will and love of life. Wellspring is truly a life-saving place and if you knew where I came out of you’d know they saved me with my God.  That’s why I’m living the life I am today because I did the work. 

Zach is an awesome program manager. I think he runs Wellspring and makes it what it is. He is fair, understanding, and tries to help you. They all try to help you. If you are done of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and are ready to succeed, then Wellspring is the place for you to go change your life. Because of what I learned I have changed my life taking advantage of all the opportunities they gave me. I started going to the BARN for meetings and have held a chair position for the BARN two years. I run a Friday night meeting for NA.  I also go to a dual diagnosis meeting for mental health and drug disorder that Rob got me into over two years ago. I have met people from church, got baptized at Cross Point Church, and met people that have become like my second parents who I love dearly and see them at least twice a week for church and dinner and treat me like their son.  I surround myself with people that hold me accountable.  Now it is starting to rub off and I try to help everyone in the community I can help.  I share my story at meetings and people tell me how it has changed their lives.  This helps me want to keep growing in my recovery and I owe that to Wellspring.  If it wasn’t for Wellspring, I probably would have ended up dead or still in prison. Today I know it was Wellspring that helped change my life. 

When I go there and speak to the men coming in, I tell them if they don’t want to be here and don’t wanna change their life, well then you should go upstairs and pack your stuff because someone is gonna die tonight because they need your bed and will do the work and push through. Sometimes they complain about the rules, not having their phone, etc. They forget they came from jail, from a cot, not having their phones, no freedom, could not go outside in the fresh air.  I remind them they came from a jail cell with no visitors, could not get a job, or have freedom.

I caught the passion of wanting to help people and got my Maine State Certification so I could become a Maine certified Recovery Coach. I have learned to take the anger inside me and let it go and everyone at Wellspring made it possible for me to do this.  I have been consistently employed working full-time and paid off my car, which I am extremely proud of. 

It is sad that it is such a small percentage of people who go to Wellspring that actually want to be there.  But I can say that if you want to be there and want to change your life that is the place to go.